“Sometimes, they need to get away from the thing that makes them sick. Even if that toxic thing is you.”
To The Death
poetry (c) Kris Jordan
She loved him deeply
Profoundly
Blindly
Sickly.
Fought, until the death for his
Love
Abuse
Addiction
As though it was hers.
Yet it was.
Her love
Her self-abuse
Her addiction
There was no beginning and no end of her apart from him. He was everything and nothing. As though she was a single person, a single parent. Alone and yet not. Entwined. Entangled. Engulfed. Drowning.
She loved her deeply
Profoundly
Astoundingly.
Let go, terrified of her seemingly imminent death
Cried
Reached out
Hurt
As though it was hers.
Yet it was.
Her tears
Her self-care
Her pain
Detached yet caring, understanding she was never intended to be a part of her. She was meant to be unique, individual, autonomous, empowered. Strong. Loved. Supported, not enabled.
Released.
Released.
Released.
Author’s Reflection:
This poem looks at two different ways to be in relationship. One is attached, dysfunctional, and the other is “released”. Both are hard.
The second stanza is a look at my relationship with my kids. How hard it is to let go and let them experience their lives, wanting to keep them in the nest, yet also wanting them to be the beautiful women I have raised them to be.
Relationship, a truly healthy one, isn’t co-dependant, that is, they allow space for each person to be fully human, self-sufficient, empowered, while also demonstrating mutual respect and love.
Wikipedia defines codependency, and my favorite part states the balance we take when we aren’t, when we are in health: “Responsibility for relationships with others needs to coexist with responsibility to self….Someone truly recovered from codependency would feel empowered and like an author of their life and actions rather than being at the mercy of outside forces.”
How is your responsibility levels? Are you over responsible or under respondsible? Do you “own” other’s responsibilities?
Do you feel empowered? Are you the author of your own life now, even if you haven’t been in the past?
I encourage you to keep moving forward. Keep looking inward. Keep seeking… you are on the right path…remain curious about what your life is showing you.
